Machette

Title: Machete
Starring:  Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodreguez, Robert Di Nero, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan
Director: Robert Rodriguez

Story:
The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his old friend Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence.

If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you!

My Review:
Before I go any further, I have to tell you, this movie is NOT for anyone below 18 or with the I.Q of a knat. If you are of the faint of heart variety, go watch Kung Fu Panda because this is not a movie you want. This movie has blood, guts, gore, stuff exploding, nudity, cell phones in strange places--you name it, it has it. With my disclaimer over...here goes.

So of course I got talked into seeing this one by the ex-boyfriend--well not completely all his fault. I mean Steven Seagal hasn't done a movie--a good movie in a while and though watching him in A Dangerous Man is cruel and unusual punishment, I figured I should go see Machete because I am in LOVE with Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin.  Then I found out Don Johnson was in it too and let's face it, the man hasn't done anything worth while since Nash Bridges.  But enough about why I saw this movie.

This movie, Machete, is amazing. Corny in some cases because it's sort of a spoof off some other movies from before my time but it also focusses on the stupidity happening in Arizona and the new immigration laws. It shows how dumb it is to basically treat Mexicans like second class citizens, as parasites. It shows how really stupid racism against Mexicans really is. I mean, if all the Mexicans should walk off the jobs, most states close to the Mexico/US border would practically shut down. I am not saying immigration laws aren't important. What I'm saying and I believe Machete is saying, is that you can't and shouldn't paint all Mexicans with the same brush. Not all of them are drug dealers or 'parasite' (as the commercials in the movie calls them). Most Mexicans go to the US to work so they can send money back to their starving families. That should be respected--anyways polictics out of the way...

Now this movie isn't perfect--of course not--it isn't Citizen Kane. There were moments when I had to lean over, nudge my ex-boyfriend and with an arched brow said, "erm...really? Was that TRULY necessary?"


Machete, works with Steven Seagal's really bad acting talents. He was actually funny and I could really see him as a bad guy.

Danny Trejo, amazing as a stoic, ex-Federalle out for revenge and not letting anyone or anything stand in his way. He's opportunistic, unselfish and amazing. His one liners are actually perfect for him. He says funny lines with a seriousness and a believability that simply rocks.

Cheech Marin--what can I say about Cheech--the man is an icon.

Overall, this movie was thrilling, heart wrenching, funny and simply a work of art.  Sure it wasn't perfect, but you probably won't find another movie like this one in a long time.  The soundtrack--if they ever release an album for it, I'd recommend buying it because I sure would.  If you're looking for some nudity, blood and gore, a little politics and a rather unhealthy dose of Cheech and Danny, go see this movie, you will not regret it. If you hate the above things, try seeing Cats and Dogs: The return of Kitty Galore, because Machete isn't for you.

Hugs,
Kato

A Dangerous Man

Title: A Dangerous Man
Starring: Steven Seagal, Jesse Hutch, Marianna Mah

Story:
After serving 6 years for a crime he didn't commit, Shane Daniels is released from jail with an apology from the State of Arizona. Within hours of his freedom, he unluckily bears witness to a cop killing by Chinese mafia who have a kidnapped girl and a bag of drugmoney

My Review:
OMG! Where can I start? How bad is this movie? Let me count the ways...

For years I keep holding on to that slim chance that Steven Seagal would pull his head out of his booty long enough to realise his movies stink these days and make a good movie. I mean look at Under Siege (The first one of course)--that movie was geee--niiiii--us! And since then, I keep watching his movies hoping, praying that they'd make a good one again and I keep getting let down. It seems I never learn. But anyways, let's talk about this one movie.

*breathes* ok.  First of all this movie started out with promise. I mean, Steven, wrongly accused of a crime and then new evidence pops up to prove he didn't do it. He spent six years in jail for it and okay that's understandable because sad but true--it happens all the time. Where it begins going down hill is when they offered him millions of dollars to get his life on track, he TURNS IT DOWN!

Let's put this in a better perspective; now you're in jail for six years, you have no money, no savings, no where to live and you turn down money to help you out? I mean sure, I get it that the money won't give him the six years of his life back--or give him back his wife who left him when he was in there but damn!

So anyways he gets released (unusually fast might I add) and the first thing he does is got a car (dont know how, or where for that matter), and went to buy some alcohol. Long story short, some punks tried to mess with him, he kicked their asses and life goes on.  Then he goes somewhere to drink, wallow in his sadness and sees a crime being commit. Knowing him, he helps and BAM! He falls right in the middle of some big kidnapping, Russian Mob, dirty cops, other kinds of mob... by the end of the movie it was so damn confusing. The cops were shooting at the Russians, the Russians were shooting at the cops, Steven Seagal was breaking heads and necks of Russians and dirty cops--by the end no one knows who the bad guys were.

The acting was horrible, the graphics was autrocious, the love scenes were disgusting--why disgusting? The chick Stevie boy was sexing looked young enough to be his daughter and I could have sworn I threw up a little in my mouth. The ending was completely wrong and hard to swallow--ha! I said swallow!!--*clears throat* anways...

Overall-- don't waste your time. If for some reason you have a couple of hours to burn and you're half asleep or hung over, read a book instead of watching this movie. I know, books aren't for everyone but you won't be killing brain cells. Or if you don't want to read a book, go watch the snow melt, or fry an egg on the sidewall, or pick your nose...ANYTHING but watch this movie...Trust me,  you'll thank me later.

Hugs,
Kato

Despicable Me

Movie: Despicable Me (In 3D)
Starring: Steve Carell, Jason Segell, Russell Brand, Julie Andrews, Will Arnett, Kristen Wing, Miranda Cosgrove, Dana Gaier and Elsie Fisher
Director: Pierre Coffin & Chris Renaud


Plot: When a criminal mastermind uses a trio of orphan girls as pawns for a grand scheme, he finds himself profoundly changed by the growing love between them.

My Review:
Firstly, this movie is good because it gives you a choice of whether you want to completely screw up your vision with 3D or not—it’s in two version, 3D and regular. I went for the vision impairment and saw it in 3D. You only live once, right? lol.

The thought of a lovable bad guy wasn’t one I liked very much going into this movie. Then I saw that Russell Brand was in this movie and I thought, “OMG! This can’t end well!” I mean Russell Brand in kids’ movie? This can only end in tears and lawsuits right? But no—it was actually a very good movie.

Gru is your typical bad guy out for world domination. I mean every thing he’s tried doing he’s always comes in second best! I mean someone just STOLE the great pyramids and it wasn’t Gru! Anything after that, well, all other bad guys get put to shame! To make matters worse, Gru’s mother calls him reminding him of his failures from her karate class.

The typical bad guys and their minions but in a light I’ve never seen before. Gru and his strange accent was brilliant on Steve Carell’s part. I found myself laughing so hard at times that after the movie I had tears streaming down my face.

Gru’s mortal nemesis, the cookie loving, Vector, was amazing! He always seems to have a bigger weapon but Vector isn’t very bright which made for a disastrously hilarious time. And Julie Andrews? Brilliant choice for Gru’s evil, mother. This woman was so evil even Gru was terrified of her.

Don’t worry about taking your kids to see it, Russell Brand behaved himself and your kids will love it—if the constantly kids laughing during my visit was any indication.

Hugs,
Kato

The Marksman

**SPOILER ALERT***


Title: The Marksman
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Emma Samms, William Hope

Story:
Chechen rebels take over a Russian nuclear plant and it's up to a mysterious agent(Snipes) to stop them.

My Review:
Ok, so this movie is about Wesley who plays--wait...they never did tell us his name in the movie...hrm--anyways they call him Painter which I will explain later.

First of all, this movie has nothing to do with a Marksman--Marksman basically means a sniper of sorts right? Sure he takes out a few bad guys with a rifle or some sort of long distance gun (who knows these things anyways) but he wasn't a sniper per say. Wesley Boy's job in the movie is what they call "Painting a target" Basically it is to go into the target in the dead of night or whenever, use some high tech gadgets to put a little orb looking thing on the target, activate it and get the hell out of dodge. The orb looking thing then sends a signal to a fighter jet near by. The jet do something of a drive by and fire missiles toward the signal, completely obliterating the target. With that said, here goes the review.

This movie is passingly ok. Wesley plays the strong, silent, totally scarred military man that no one likes--(what else is new?) that is until he's needed to go on some kind of suicide mission with a team of soldiers who thinks he's somewhat of a nut. Anyways he goes and shit begins hitting the fan. Nothing is what it seems and the bad guys have some how tricked the Americans into doing their dirty work.  Of course, Wesley is the smart cookie who first figure it out and realises "OMG I Painted the wrong target!"

So now he has to go back into the bad guy's camp and fix it.  The movie is a little slow at the beginning.  The intro alone confused the hell out of me because the intro credits looked like it was the intro credit to a movie about Biological warfare, or some sort of disease type story line. That alone made me arched a brow and go "hrm." 

The acting was stiff at best, but of course it's Wesley so I've come to expect nothing better. The other characters were a little better. The Marines that didn't really like his character much were like the typical Marines hollywood cooks up. They work together, play together and are loyal to anyone who proves they deserve it. They were lovable men with guns and I believed that.

But the movie was poorly written, too much information in too little time and whoever wrote this movie didn't get the memo about making characters' names prounouncable by people who don't speek the language.  There was a couple of recognizable faces in this movie but that didn't make it any better.

If you have some time to spare and you're bored--like guys, if you're waiting for your woman to figure out what she's going to wear that night and you have about an hour to spare, then give it a look see...It's actually okay--not a spectacular work of art but it's passable.

Hugs,
Kato

Liar Game: Season 1

Title: Liar Game Season 1
Starring: Toda Erika, Matsuda Shota, Kikuchi Rinko, Yuki Jutta, Takei Emi

**This Drama is not in English. If you wish to watch it, please look for it with English subtitles**

Story:
The naïve Kanzaki Nao and expert swindler Akiyama Shinichi have not heard anything from the LIAR GAME organization since the end of the previous game, so it seems they may have actually escaped. But Nao suddenly gets another invitation and is once again caught up in the game. This time, she has to team up with Shinichi and one of their previous rivals named Fukunaga, facing off against three more opponents in new games of deception, such as "24 Rensou Russian Roulette" and "17 Poker


My Review:

Now I know this isn't a movie, it isn't even in English but damn! I couldn't resist. So my friend Kari (love you boo boo!) got me addicted to Japanese/Korean dramas in Univeristy and I totally had to watch this one. This show puts Saw to shame. I mean, Saw used blood and gore and murders and all that to make a franchise but Liar Game? None of that. This Drama is for the intellectuals, for those of you who love a wonderful mind game. This series keeps you on your toes, keep you asking "OMG!What's next?"

This show is about what happens when the system doesn't work. It's all about why a person shouldn't play games with human emotions. When an old, creepy voice on a phone tries to control the human habits...Habits such as hate, greed, betrayal, love--This show teaches you that you cannot simply look at a person and tell what they would do. Humans are unpredictable, dangerous and completely able to change.