Conan The Barbarian - Jason Momoa

Title: Conan the Barbarian (sans Arnold
Starring: Jason Momoa (you may remember him from Stargate Atlantis as Ronon Dex), Ron Pearlman (of course), Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan (Pam from Death Proof), Leo Howard (As young Conan), Rachel Nichols (Yes, that Rachel Nichols, Scarlett in GI Joe).

Blurb:

The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

My Review:  So for months, I've been flailing and drooling over the commercials and finally the day came where I was going to see Conan with someone or alone - I didn't care which.  I mean damn, look how find Jason Momoa is. I mean he was hot before but *Drool* Anyways, so I spent three hours at the movie theatre going into stores I shouldn't because I spend way too much in them but I blame the best friend. She left me there for that long to my own devices *smirks* but after buy Mathew Morrison's CD and a book, I headed to the theatre and sat there for a bit, hardly waiting patiently for my movie to begin.   Now I know a lot of people think this movie is bad but I don't think it was. The story could use a tad bit of tightening but that's not the kind of movie it is. It's not a 'story' movie. It's a warrior, blood flying in 3D, heads rolling, ass getting kicked, take no prisoner kind of movie.

It's the kind of movie where you go to with your buddies you watch, get pumped and then go have a few beers. But anyways, from the beginning of this movie, if you've never read or watched Conan before, you'd be thinking "omfg this kid is screwed!" But it left you with a feeling that you have to see it through just so the bad guys could get their heads smashed open. I wasn't disappointed with this movie like some others because as I said repeatedly before, I take movies for what they are. This movie was entertaining in AVX 3D. It was loud, gritty, funny, sexy and some part creepy. But if you were going in looking for a remake of Arnold's Conan, spend your money somewhere else because you're not going to get that. You're going to get a fresh, new take on a classic. 

The action scenes were epic--the horses beautiful, the bad guys SERIOUSLY twisted. And for his first major motion picture, Jason was breath-taking both physically and acting wise. His Conan was always ready for battle. He looks happiest when he's testing his skills and prowess.

Now on a personal level, as a romance author, I have to look at this movie in another light. There were times when I was biting my finger thinking "I could do THINGS to this man!" My best friend even coined a new word. After the sex scene she leant over and whispered "Dude! She got Conan-ed!" I had to give her a fist bump for that one! But the love scene was sexy, hot, smouldering...don't take your kids to see this movie btw.

They didn't massacre remake like I know they will be doing to Dirty Dancing and Footloose. So go with your boys...or a bunch of girls can check it out together too. And keep an open mind. It's a fun movie if you don't go in with a pickle up your ass.

My favorite lines:

Conan: "You look like a harlot."

Conan: "When a Barbarian feels thirst, its a thirst for blood!"

Conan: "Run from me, and I will follow you to hell!"

Bad guy: "My nose!"

Bad guy - "You said you would spear my life!"

Conan - "No, I said I wouldn't kill you."

 Hugs,

Kato

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Movie: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Starring: Mos Def, Martin Freeman, Sam Rochwell, Zooey Deschanel,

Story: Mere seconds before the Earth is to be demolished by an alien construction crew, journeyman Arthur Dent is swept off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher penning a new edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

Review: Normally after schools force me to read certain books, I refuse to have anything to do with them afterward. I mean professors have habit of ruining good books.  But I didn’t find A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy all that good of a book. I mean, literally had to force myself to read the book just so I wouldn’t fail my Lit class.  So when they said they were making a movie with it, well I was dead set on hating it.

But then I started watching it and I saw Mervin the robot and I just couldn’t.  Well, it started out with the singing dolphins…bow ahhsum was that! But this movie is a nonstop riot from beginning to end.  From an alien trying to shake hands with a car because he thought cars were the dominant species on the planet, to poetry reading ugly aliens and a man with the name Slartinbartfast! This movie had it all. It was precisely like the book but so much better because they cut out the bits where the story just dragged on for pages and pages!

This movie is good for the family with the kids and will keep you entertained till the very last.

Hugs,

Kato

Horrible Bosses

Title: Horrible Bosses
Star: Jaimie Foxx, Jason Bateman, Kevin Spacey, Steve Weibe, P.J Byrne, Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Anniston, Colin Farrel, Kevin Spacey

Story:
Three friends conspire to murder their awful bosses when they realize they are standing in the way of their happiness.

My Review: Wow. When I first saw the trailer for this movie I rolled my eyes. I mean here we go again. Another stupid ass movie, with crude remarks that's not remotely funny.  I mean I could never stand Jennifer Aniston on the best of days and to make it worse I had no idea who half the other people in this movie was.  I mean who the hell is Steve Weide? But then a friend of mine and I decided to have a dinner and movie and shopping night and she chose this movie.  I could feel myself dying a little inside at the suggestion but I sucked it up and went for it after buying two bras for a hundred bucks *hack* but anyways this movie was HILARIOUS! It was a simple plot and a simple story but it's so funny! And Mother Fucker Jones?? OMG EPIC!  The comedy was brilliant. When was the last time you went to a movie and the movie was so good the whole room, packed room btw, erupted into laughter at the exact moments?

This movie was so good, at one point I turned to my friend and asked "Is this guy still on crack?" and it was in one of those moments when suddenly the room go quiet. At my question, the whole room burst out laughing. They weren't even mad at me for asking that question. Jennifer Aniston, I have to say was good in the movie as the walking Sexual Harrassment. At times I thought her jokes were a little over the line and too crude but it worked with the rest of the movie.  Colin Farrel, OMG! I didn't know he had it in him! He had be rolling he was so amazing.

Oh, and Keifer Sutherland's father, Donald was in this movie too--not for long but he still made an impact.  Jamie Foxx would only get a supporting actor role in this but he slayed me. Every time he opened his mouth I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. I can't say much more about this movie or I'll give it away but you should see this movie.

If you're a guy who want a good guy movie to go to with the boys, go see this one *hint* Anniston, with very little clothing!

But seriously, this movie is EPIC!

My favorite bit of dialogue.

Cop 1: Wanna tell me why you were going sixty miles an hour from the crime scene?
Nick: I was drag racing.
Cop 2: In a Prius?
Nick: I don't win a lot!

Hugs,
Kato

PRIEST

Title: PRIEST

Starring: Paul Bettany (Silas from DaVinci Code), Maggie Q (the new Nikita), Cam Gigandent, Karl Urban, Christopher Plumber (Capt Von Trop - Sound of Music)

Blurb:
A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.

My Review:
I enjoyed this movie...and yes, there is a "But" coming. So here it is, but, the movie could have been better. I think it could be--maybe it's the writer in me. The story seemed a little short for the kind of movie it was—it ended with one feeling as if there should be a part 2 but so far there has been no public talk of a sequel. So with that said, it left me feeling a little ripped off.

Anyways, moving on from that—otherwise the story was a brilliant idea! The guys (or gals) who came up with the graphic novel must have had a light bulb over the head moment! It’s the typical story of religion using people and discarding them when they are no longer needed and of humans knack for fearing that which they do not understand. I completely loved that idea. The darkness and the grittiness was amazing but I think Paul Betany could have done a MUCH better job—I mean he was creepier as Silas in The Da Vinci Code! But enjoyable nonetheless. The vampires were different from anything you’ve seen before and the weapons were ingenious!

With a few tweaks here and there, the movie could have been EPIC!! But it’s still good and I am NOT sorry I paid to see it. You’ll enjoy it. I will feel much better when they start talking about a sequel though.

Hugs,
Kato

RED

***SPOILER ALERT***

Movie: RED

Starring: Bruce Willis, Helen Miren, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Karl Urban, Mary Louise Parker,

Storyline:

When his peaceful life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive and uncover his assailants.

Review:  Ok, where do I start on this one?  So when I first saw the previews for this, I was flailing in the aisle screaming of how absolutely EPICCCCCC it would be to see it. I mean Bruce Willis and Hellen Miren and Malkovich WITH Morgan Freeman in one movie? It is bound to be awesome, right? But the more previews I saw, the more I got less and less interested in the movie.  Anyways, the other day I had a HMV gift card, given to me by someone for my birthday wit over a hundred bucks on it.  I picked up Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (which I will be reviewing next), The Expendables (I already reviewed, of course) and RED along with some CDs (I should probably review). 

I wouldn’t say I was disappointed, per say in RED, I mean I am always a strong believer that you’re to go into a movie and take it for what it is—a movie. But RED was something else. It had some brilliant moments where I was rolling on the floor laughing and other times it just dragged on and on as though it would never end. John Malkovitch was mesmerizing in his role as a crazy, ex-secret agent who basically live to see all conspiracy theories come through and gosh darn it! He will be prepared for Armageddon if it kills him! He was a riot—he made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself. Then there was Bruce Willis who’s knack for comedy isn’t always the best but he managed to hold his own. Helen Miren as usual was spot on, Morgan Freeman, for the time he was in the movie was just kind of....well, I was left thinking “WTF! Why are you IN this movie!!!” and Ms. Louise Parker was okay…

My problem with the movie was—I don’t know. The ending was a little bit disturbing to me. It was like the writers got bored and just decided to use the same crappy ending everyone else used. I was disappointed in that.  There were hitches in the movie that could definitely be smoother—Let’s just say RED is one of those movies I’d say watch if you can get it for cheap or for free.

Hugs,

Kato

FAST FIVE

**This Review may or may not contain spoilers**

Title: Fast Five, Fast and Furious Five, (Whatever its going by)Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Sung Kang, Ludacris, Tyrese, Jordana Brewster, Alimi Ballard (Played Sinclare in Numb3rs)

Storyline:
Dominic and his crew find themselves on the wrong side of the law once again as they try to switch lanes between a ruthless drug lord and a relentless federal agent.

My Review:
When I first heard they were making this movie I was like, OMGawd! Why are they doingthis? The firt one was amazing! The second one was like, hrm maybe they should stop this, Tokyo Drift was omg what where they thinking? And That one after Tokyo drift Old Parts New Model (What the heck was that called again?) so forgive me for wanting to just roll my eyes like an insolent child when I heard they were making a new one.  Anyways I saw the first trailer and was going...okaaaay...this could be good...Then I keep seeing more and more trailers and found out they are bringing back all the old guys (except most of the guys in Tokyo Drift) and they are adding Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.  I am drool even now.  But let's just say they did an Amazing job!

First of all this one was more for storyline that racing--that may be a downside for most but it wasn't horrible. They still had kick ass racing through the streets. The Rock added a certain Je ne se quoi to it that I adored.  Vin Diesel, and Paul Walker together again was perfect and add your favorites from other movies, and you'll be in love! The comedy in this movie was killer and on track and the snappy lines were great.  This movie will leave yout saying, "Dude!! BEST....BANK HEIST....EVAR!!!" (yes I meant to put A in EVER just cuz....)

I mean these guys did things with a bank vault that was engenius!

The one thing I had a problem with this movie is Han (played by the sexy Sung Kang from Tokyo Drift) died in Tokyo drift yet he shows up in Fast Five with no explanation as to what happened. And last night when I went home, Toky Drift was on TV so I watched it again and he did die! I watched that horrid movie till the end and Han was dead...*sigh* That's the only thing that annoyed me.

If someone say this FF is the best, they aren't lying. It was worth me braving the opening day crowd to see.  I would highly recommend it for a boys' night out or a girls' night out!

My Favorite Lines (some of them)

"Did he tap that ass or was it a full hand...." - Tej (Ludacris)

"Running ain't freedom." Dom  (Vin Diesel)

"If he so much as go the bathroom, I wanna know how many times he shakes." Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson)


Hugs,
Kato

Ninja Assassin

Title:  Ninja Assassins
Starring: Jung Ji Hoon aka Rain (Bi), Naomie Harris, Rick Yune, Shô Kosugi, Ben Miles

Story: A young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.

My Review: Ever since I found out they were making this movie, I kept thinking "Dear Lord, Please don't let these people mess up this story."  But OMG! Ok, let me start out by saying that I adore Jung Ji Hoon. I mean have you seen that man gyrate? *shakes head* no but seriously. He is so talented--singer, dancer, producer, song writer, entrepreneur...The list goes on. But in this movie--he was so ahh-sum!! erem I mean AWESOME!

Ok so his name is Raizo in this movie and is an orphan. Then he gets taken in my this Orphanage that doubles as a ninja training school--I'm talking, little red head, Annie lived in a palace compared to this place.  The master was evil. The master's son was worse because he was jealous of Raizo and the place was all round hell.  Raizo lived through it all and after a particular mission went particularly bad, he headed for the hills.

The movie was well done. It was bloody with cool weapons and hot men. There were parts that made me raise an eye brow and laughed, like a brand new car with ninja-stars stuck all over the outside parked in front of a low budget motel. I mean...that's conspicuous lmao.

Needless to say, this movie is amazing. Oh and all you ladies that lie about what size you wear...if its one thing I learnt from this movie is "Never lie to a Ninja about your size!" If you've watched this movie, you'll get that joke!

See this movie!

Hugs,
Kato

Intolerable Cruelty

Title: Intolerable Cruelty
Starring: Catherine Zeta-Jones, George Clooney, Billy Bob Thorton, Geoffery Rush, Cedric The Entertainer

Story: A revenge-seeking gold digger marries a womanizing Beverly Hills lawyer with the intention of making a killing in the divorce.

My Review:
Let me start by saying this--Not a big George Clooney fan. But I adore Mr. Rush so as I sat at home fighting sleep, I decided to watch this movie. I don't even know why--oh right, there was nothing else on television. Day time television is God awful these days. So rather than killing brain cells on Maury, I decided on watching this movie.   The movie was okay. It had moments where I simply sat there, blinking at the screen, wondering why in heaven's name I was waisting timewatching but by the end, I didn't feel like "oh that's an hour of my life I'll never get back." I was left with a chuckle which is a good thing. 

Clooney was the same old, same old in this movie. The same voice, same vision, same old George.  I wasn't really surprised.  He had a few good moments but other than that I had to say "yawn."

Catherine Zeta-Jones wasn't as good as I know she can be in this. She was a tad stiff.  Geoffery Rush was amazing. I couldn't stop laughing with him.  I didn't think he could be that hilarious since the first time I knew about him was in Pirates and he scared the bijesus out of me.  But he was amazing. This was a Cohen brother creation so that should tell you everything.  It is nothing like their recent stuff but I guess they had to build.  This movie isn't something I would say rush out and get--but it's a movie that would be fun to pass a lazy sunday evening with.  So watch Intolerable Cruelty but do not put too much brain power into it.

Hugs,
Kato

Unknown

Title: Unknown
Starring: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones

Story: A man awakens from a coma, only to discover that someone has taken on his identity and that no one, (not even his wife), believes him. With the help of a young woman, he sets out to prove who he is.


My Review:
Wow! This movie is no TAKEN but holy crap was I happy I went to see it.  Ok, so from reading the blurb above you can tell what this movie is about right and when you go see it, after about ten maybe fifteen minutes in you'll think you have it all figured out. I thought, I know what happened! This is so cool! Now to wait for them to do precisely what I think so I can jump up and fist pump saying how right I was.  Trust me, that didn't happen! I was so wrong, so off the mark it was hilarious! You know how they say that nothing is at it seems? Well, in this movie, NOTHING is as it seems. I mean, NOTHING! Try not to jump to conclusions because trust me, you will be wrong about what's going to happen.


The movie of course wasn't perfect but it was very enjoyable. And the fact that Aiden Quinn was in it and Liam Neeson is so damn hot, helped greately.   Now because I want you to go see this movie, I will not give a spoiler but let's just say you won't be disappointed. The movie dragged on in a few places but that is to be expected. No movie is perfect without area to make you think "What the hell!" Oh and pay close attention to the cabs in Berlin--that will make you laugh. I know I thought it was funny.


Go out with the boys and see this movie. You will enjoy it!


Hugs,
Kato

PS: While I was there I saw the trailer for the new Green Lantern movie...all I have to say if they screw this up...I was not pleased with who they picked to play the Green Lantern and seeing the commercial didn't change that feeling of morbid irritation. If they mess this up...there's going to be more pissed off movie than aftere the recent Star Trek movie...

Title: The Green Hornet
Starring: Seth Rogan, Jay Chou

Story:
Following the death of his father, Britt Reid, heir to his father's large company, teams up with his late dad's assistant Kato to become a masked crime fighting team.

My review: I know you all heard me ranting and raving about how I wanted to see this movie for months now. I mean I've been flailing and screaming to everyone how I was going to see it opening day but I just got around to it yesterday.  Yes, I saw two movies in one day--I work hard so I splurged a litte. Anyways onward to my review. So the movie was so-so. The storyline could use a lot of help--I don't think the editors did a very good job on this. New characters kept on popping up at the strangest times and left me thinking "wtf?"

The comedy was on part though--it was a really funny movie. I loved Kato (Jay Chou).  He was funny and just so hot *sigh* but onward! Bruce Lee would have been proud with this casting. Kato kicked some serious butt, and was such a good friend to Britt Reid even though the guy was a royal asshole.  Britt (played by Seth Rogen) was a menace to everyone--mostly to himself though. Sometimes his character was a little over played and a touch overly dramatic and idiotic but I guess that was what Seth wanted to do.

Cameron Diaz (I didn't put her in the credits above) because well, I am not sure why she was even in this movie.  Her character just kept on spewing out fun little facts (see the sarcasm?) that made no sense and just irritated the HELL out of me. Then when The Green Hornet and Kato goes to her for help she pepper sprays them in the face with mace or something and then just went on a tantrum that was completely overly, overly dramatic...

The bad guy in this movie was amazing! He was funny as hell!! Crazy but funny as hell.

This movie shouldn't have been made in all 3D. I think that was a waste of money and time.  The action sequences I think were amazing in 3D but everything else was just a 3D wasteland. 

All in all, this movie wasn't as good as all the hype. I expected better at first but then I found out Seth Rogan wrote this movie and I wanted to cry. Though I had fun during the comedy parts of this movie and with my best friend, I was kinda disappointed....but Jay Chou was hot and the car in the elevator scene? EPIC!

Hugs,
Kato

The Mechanic

Title: The Mechanic
Starring: Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland

Story:Follows an elite hit man as he teaches his trade to an apprentice who has a connection to one of his previous victims.

My Review: I think to put this into perspective, I have to start out by saying this is a Jason Statham movie.  Take it for what it's worth. The concept behind this movie was sound--I mean the idea is brilliant and although I ADORE Jason Statham I have to say this movie was quite predictable.  The intro was amazing, had my best friend and I kinda laughing. The moment Bishop (Jason Statham's Character) recieves this major job, I knew precisely what was coming. I don't want to give it away but I am sure if you're astute in figuring it out right at the scene where the private jet picks him up with the voice over telling him what is is going to happen and what the meeting will entails.  Bishop is a man of very few words and lethal.

Steven (Ben Foster) is a rebelious young adult who never listens to anyone but himself. Though I don't think I've ever seen Ben Foster in anything else, I had to say I quite liked him in this role.

The movie have some rather funny moments, for example when Dean tries to negotiate with a sixteen year old--like he actually thought he could win. No one is able to talk themselves out of more trouble than a teenager. Anyways, as I was saying, the movie had some funny moments, the scenery is spectacular--especially where Bishop lives. But the story could do with a little tightening.

All in all it was a good watch. It's good for a boys night out or a girl's night to drool over the lovely and sexy, ex diver/ex under wear model, Jason Statham.  But don't go into this movie looking for a piece of perfection--remember though he is sexy as sin, Jason is also the same guy who thought appearing in Crank 2 was a brilliant idea.

Hugs,
Kato

The Women

Title: The Women
Starring:  Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkette Smith, Candace Bergen, Cloris Leachman, Bette Midler, Carrie Fisher

Story:
A wealthy New Yorker leaves her cheating husband and bonds with other society women at a resort.

My Review:
I liked this movie. The premise was a good idea. The story at times was hilarious which I appreciate. They showed getting cheated on as a serious  problem and what happens when your perfect life just fall apart with one stupid decision. 

Okay, now comes the hazy part.  The movie is called THE WOMEN yet half way through the movie--well not really half way but just beyond the halfway mark, all the women disappeared except for Meg Ryan's character. It was like the others didn't exist and that they didn't have a problem except for her. It was strange the way the writer simply cut them for all that time then had them pop back in just before Debra Messings character was giving birth to what had to be her millionth child. The birthing scene was blow out out of proportion and completely unnecessary and the ending was not very practical.

Meg Ryan's character husband cheats on her with the slutty store clerk and she takes him back. What kind of message is that sending? You cheat on me you're gone and I do mean gone! I didn't like that and it kinda turned me off the whole movie.I didn't think any thinking woman, who's husband left her and her almost teenage daughter after about eleven years of marriage would put up with taking him back. I mean he obviously wants something else, why would he leave you to begin with, right? I don't know that didn't sit well with me.  But it's an okay movie for a nice, quiet, night at home before watching a real movie.

Hugs,
Kato

Little Fockers

Title:  Little Fockers
Starring: Ben Stiller, Robert Dinero, Owen Wilson

Story: Family-patriarch Jack Byrnes wants to appoint a successor. Does his son-in-law, the "male nurse", Greg Focker have what it takes?

My Review:

Where to begin?...hrm...Okay, let's be real here...if I had paid to see this movie I would be SO mad right now. If you are going out for a night out with the boys or with your best friend, avoid this movie. I mean, if you have to pay to see it, see something else. A movie is like 10 bucks these days and most of us have to work a hour to earn that so don't waste it. If you have scene points and feel for a free movie that you don't really care about then by all means see this one.  I went with the best friend and I am still wondering why we even saw that movie. I HATED the first two they made and only watched those because they were on TV and SPIKE TV didn't have anything good on.  The only good part to this movie were the children--well the little boy.

Three days later and I am still trying to figure out why Owen Wilson was even in this movie--I dont remember him being in the others. His role was just not necessary to further any kind of plot. The jokes were irritating, Ben Stiller was his usual self though I have to admit he looks really good in this movie. His acting wasn't that good. Rob Dinero needs to start doing better movies because if this should be his last movie he would roll in his grave.  The movie just seemed to drag on and on and on--I was sitting there rolling my eyes through most of it and asking my best friend "erm...really??" through the rest.  The little boy (Little Focker #1) saved it as best he could but damn--the movie was bad.

Hugs,
Kato