Conan The Barbarian - Jason Momoa

Title: Conan the Barbarian (sans Arnold
Starring: Jason Momoa (you may remember him from Stargate Atlantis as Ronon Dex), Ron Pearlman (of course), Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan (Pam from Death Proof), Leo Howard (As young Conan), Rachel Nichols (Yes, that Rachel Nichols, Scarlett in GI Joe).

Blurb:

The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

My Review:  So for months, I've been flailing and drooling over the commercials and finally the day came where I was going to see Conan with someone or alone - I didn't care which.  I mean damn, look how find Jason Momoa is. I mean he was hot before but *Drool* Anyways, so I spent three hours at the movie theatre going into stores I shouldn't because I spend way too much in them but I blame the best friend. She left me there for that long to my own devices *smirks* but after buy Mathew Morrison's CD and a book, I headed to the theatre and sat there for a bit, hardly waiting patiently for my movie to begin.   Now I know a lot of people think this movie is bad but I don't think it was. The story could use a tad bit of tightening but that's not the kind of movie it is. It's not a 'story' movie. It's a warrior, blood flying in 3D, heads rolling, ass getting kicked, take no prisoner kind of movie.

It's the kind of movie where you go to with your buddies you watch, get pumped and then go have a few beers. But anyways, from the beginning of this movie, if you've never read or watched Conan before, you'd be thinking "omfg this kid is screwed!" But it left you with a feeling that you have to see it through just so the bad guys could get their heads smashed open. I wasn't disappointed with this movie like some others because as I said repeatedly before, I take movies for what they are. This movie was entertaining in AVX 3D. It was loud, gritty, funny, sexy and some part creepy. But if you were going in looking for a remake of Arnold's Conan, spend your money somewhere else because you're not going to get that. You're going to get a fresh, new take on a classic. 

The action scenes were epic--the horses beautiful, the bad guys SERIOUSLY twisted. And for his first major motion picture, Jason was breath-taking both physically and acting wise. His Conan was always ready for battle. He looks happiest when he's testing his skills and prowess.

Now on a personal level, as a romance author, I have to look at this movie in another light. There were times when I was biting my finger thinking "I could do THINGS to this man!" My best friend even coined a new word. After the sex scene she leant over and whispered "Dude! She got Conan-ed!" I had to give her a fist bump for that one! But the love scene was sexy, hot, smouldering...don't take your kids to see this movie btw.

They didn't massacre remake like I know they will be doing to Dirty Dancing and Footloose. So go with your boys...or a bunch of girls can check it out together too. And keep an open mind. It's a fun movie if you don't go in with a pickle up your ass.

My favorite lines:

Conan: "You look like a harlot."

Conan: "When a Barbarian feels thirst, its a thirst for blood!"

Conan: "Run from me, and I will follow you to hell!"

Bad guy: "My nose!"

Bad guy - "You said you would spear my life!"

Conan - "No, I said I wouldn't kill you."

 Hugs,

Kato

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Movie: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Starring: Mos Def, Martin Freeman, Sam Rochwell, Zooey Deschanel,

Story: Mere seconds before the Earth is to be demolished by an alien construction crew, journeyman Arthur Dent is swept off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher penning a new edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

Review: Normally after schools force me to read certain books, I refuse to have anything to do with them afterward. I mean professors have habit of ruining good books.  But I didn’t find A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy all that good of a book. I mean, literally had to force myself to read the book just so I wouldn’t fail my Lit class.  So when they said they were making a movie with it, well I was dead set on hating it.

But then I started watching it and I saw Mervin the robot and I just couldn’t.  Well, it started out with the singing dolphins…bow ahhsum was that! But this movie is a nonstop riot from beginning to end.  From an alien trying to shake hands with a car because he thought cars were the dominant species on the planet, to poetry reading ugly aliens and a man with the name Slartinbartfast! This movie had it all. It was precisely like the book but so much better because they cut out the bits where the story just dragged on for pages and pages!

This movie is good for the family with the kids and will keep you entertained till the very last.

Hugs,

Kato

Horrible Bosses

Title: Horrible Bosses
Star: Jaimie Foxx, Jason Bateman, Kevin Spacey, Steve Weibe, P.J Byrne, Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Anniston, Colin Farrel, Kevin Spacey

Story:
Three friends conspire to murder their awful bosses when they realize they are standing in the way of their happiness.

My Review: Wow. When I first saw the trailer for this movie I rolled my eyes. I mean here we go again. Another stupid ass movie, with crude remarks that's not remotely funny.  I mean I could never stand Jennifer Aniston on the best of days and to make it worse I had no idea who half the other people in this movie was.  I mean who the hell is Steve Weide? But then a friend of mine and I decided to have a dinner and movie and shopping night and she chose this movie.  I could feel myself dying a little inside at the suggestion but I sucked it up and went for it after buying two bras for a hundred bucks *hack* but anyways this movie was HILARIOUS! It was a simple plot and a simple story but it's so funny! And Mother Fucker Jones?? OMG EPIC!  The comedy was brilliant. When was the last time you went to a movie and the movie was so good the whole room, packed room btw, erupted into laughter at the exact moments?

This movie was so good, at one point I turned to my friend and asked "Is this guy still on crack?" and it was in one of those moments when suddenly the room go quiet. At my question, the whole room burst out laughing. They weren't even mad at me for asking that question. Jennifer Aniston, I have to say was good in the movie as the walking Sexual Harrassment. At times I thought her jokes were a little over the line and too crude but it worked with the rest of the movie.  Colin Farrel, OMG! I didn't know he had it in him! He had be rolling he was so amazing.

Oh, and Keifer Sutherland's father, Donald was in this movie too--not for long but he still made an impact.  Jamie Foxx would only get a supporting actor role in this but he slayed me. Every time he opened his mouth I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. I can't say much more about this movie or I'll give it away but you should see this movie.

If you're a guy who want a good guy movie to go to with the boys, go see this one *hint* Anniston, with very little clothing!

But seriously, this movie is EPIC!

My favorite bit of dialogue.

Cop 1: Wanna tell me why you were going sixty miles an hour from the crime scene?
Nick: I was drag racing.
Cop 2: In a Prius?
Nick: I don't win a lot!

Hugs,
Kato

PRIEST

Title: PRIEST

Starring: Paul Bettany (Silas from DaVinci Code), Maggie Q (the new Nikita), Cam Gigandent, Karl Urban, Christopher Plumber (Capt Von Trop - Sound of Music)

Blurb:
A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.

My Review:
I enjoyed this movie...and yes, there is a "But" coming. So here it is, but, the movie could have been better. I think it could be--maybe it's the writer in me. The story seemed a little short for the kind of movie it was—it ended with one feeling as if there should be a part 2 but so far there has been no public talk of a sequel. So with that said, it left me feeling a little ripped off.

Anyways, moving on from that—otherwise the story was a brilliant idea! The guys (or gals) who came up with the graphic novel must have had a light bulb over the head moment! It’s the typical story of religion using people and discarding them when they are no longer needed and of humans knack for fearing that which they do not understand. I completely loved that idea. The darkness and the grittiness was amazing but I think Paul Betany could have done a MUCH better job—I mean he was creepier as Silas in The Da Vinci Code! But enjoyable nonetheless. The vampires were different from anything you’ve seen before and the weapons were ingenious!

With a few tweaks here and there, the movie could have been EPIC!! But it’s still good and I am NOT sorry I paid to see it. You’ll enjoy it. I will feel much better when they start talking about a sequel though.

Hugs,
Kato

RED

***SPOILER ALERT***

Movie: RED

Starring: Bruce Willis, Helen Miren, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Karl Urban, Mary Louise Parker,

Storyline:

When his peaceful life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive and uncover his assailants.

Review:  Ok, where do I start on this one?  So when I first saw the previews for this, I was flailing in the aisle screaming of how absolutely EPICCCCCC it would be to see it. I mean Bruce Willis and Hellen Miren and Malkovich WITH Morgan Freeman in one movie? It is bound to be awesome, right? But the more previews I saw, the more I got less and less interested in the movie.  Anyways, the other day I had a HMV gift card, given to me by someone for my birthday wit over a hundred bucks on it.  I picked up Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (which I will be reviewing next), The Expendables (I already reviewed, of course) and RED along with some CDs (I should probably review). 

I wouldn’t say I was disappointed, per say in RED, I mean I am always a strong believer that you’re to go into a movie and take it for what it is—a movie. But RED was something else. It had some brilliant moments where I was rolling on the floor laughing and other times it just dragged on and on as though it would never end. John Malkovitch was mesmerizing in his role as a crazy, ex-secret agent who basically live to see all conspiracy theories come through and gosh darn it! He will be prepared for Armageddon if it kills him! He was a riot—he made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself. Then there was Bruce Willis who’s knack for comedy isn’t always the best but he managed to hold his own. Helen Miren as usual was spot on, Morgan Freeman, for the time he was in the movie was just kind of....well, I was left thinking “WTF! Why are you IN this movie!!!” and Ms. Louise Parker was okay…

My problem with the movie was—I don’t know. The ending was a little bit disturbing to me. It was like the writers got bored and just decided to use the same crappy ending everyone else used. I was disappointed in that.  There were hitches in the movie that could definitely be smoother—Let’s just say RED is one of those movies I’d say watch if you can get it for cheap or for free.

Hugs,

Kato

FAST FIVE

**This Review may or may not contain spoilers**

Title: Fast Five, Fast and Furious Five, (Whatever its going by)Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Sung Kang, Ludacris, Tyrese, Jordana Brewster, Alimi Ballard (Played Sinclare in Numb3rs)

Storyline:
Dominic and his crew find themselves on the wrong side of the law once again as they try to switch lanes between a ruthless drug lord and a relentless federal agent.

My Review:
When I first heard they were making this movie I was like, OMGawd! Why are they doingthis? The firt one was amazing! The second one was like, hrm maybe they should stop this, Tokyo Drift was omg what where they thinking? And That one after Tokyo drift Old Parts New Model (What the heck was that called again?) so forgive me for wanting to just roll my eyes like an insolent child when I heard they were making a new one.  Anyways I saw the first trailer and was going...okaaaay...this could be good...Then I keep seeing more and more trailers and found out they are bringing back all the old guys (except most of the guys in Tokyo Drift) and they are adding Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.  I am drool even now.  But let's just say they did an Amazing job!

First of all this one was more for storyline that racing--that may be a downside for most but it wasn't horrible. They still had kick ass racing through the streets. The Rock added a certain Je ne se quoi to it that I adored.  Vin Diesel, and Paul Walker together again was perfect and add your favorites from other movies, and you'll be in love! The comedy in this movie was killer and on track and the snappy lines were great.  This movie will leave yout saying, "Dude!! BEST....BANK HEIST....EVAR!!!" (yes I meant to put A in EVER just cuz....)

I mean these guys did things with a bank vault that was engenius!

The one thing I had a problem with this movie is Han (played by the sexy Sung Kang from Tokyo Drift) died in Tokyo drift yet he shows up in Fast Five with no explanation as to what happened. And last night when I went home, Toky Drift was on TV so I watched it again and he did die! I watched that horrid movie till the end and Han was dead...*sigh* That's the only thing that annoyed me.

If someone say this FF is the best, they aren't lying. It was worth me braving the opening day crowd to see.  I would highly recommend it for a boys' night out or a girls' night out!

My Favorite Lines (some of them)

"Did he tap that ass or was it a full hand...." - Tej (Ludacris)

"Running ain't freedom." Dom  (Vin Diesel)

"If he so much as go the bathroom, I wanna know how many times he shakes." Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson)


Hugs,
Kato

Ninja Assassin

Title:  Ninja Assassins
Starring: Jung Ji Hoon aka Rain (Bi), Naomie Harris, Rick Yune, Shô Kosugi, Ben Miles

Story: A young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.

My Review: Ever since I found out they were making this movie, I kept thinking "Dear Lord, Please don't let these people mess up this story."  But OMG! Ok, let me start out by saying that I adore Jung Ji Hoon. I mean have you seen that man gyrate? *shakes head* no but seriously. He is so talented--singer, dancer, producer, song writer, entrepreneur...The list goes on. But in this movie--he was so ahh-sum!! erem I mean AWESOME!

Ok so his name is Raizo in this movie and is an orphan. Then he gets taken in my this Orphanage that doubles as a ninja training school--I'm talking, little red head, Annie lived in a palace compared to this place.  The master was evil. The master's son was worse because he was jealous of Raizo and the place was all round hell.  Raizo lived through it all and after a particular mission went particularly bad, he headed for the hills.

The movie was well done. It was bloody with cool weapons and hot men. There were parts that made me raise an eye brow and laughed, like a brand new car with ninja-stars stuck all over the outside parked in front of a low budget motel. I mean...that's conspicuous lmao.

Needless to say, this movie is amazing. Oh and all you ladies that lie about what size you wear...if its one thing I learnt from this movie is "Never lie to a Ninja about your size!" If you've watched this movie, you'll get that joke!

See this movie!

Hugs,
Kato