Starring: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodreguez, Robert Di Nero, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan
Director: Robert Rodriguez
The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his old friend Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence.
If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you!
Before I go any further, I have to tell you, this movie is NOT for anyone below 18 or with the I.Q of a knat. If you are of the faint of heart variety, go watch Kung Fu Panda because this is not a movie you want. This movie has blood, guts, gore, stuff exploding, nudity, cell phones in strange places--you name it, it has it. With my disclaimer over...here goes.
So of course I got talked into seeing this one by the ex-boyfriend--well not completely all his fault. I mean Steven Seagal hasn't done a movie--a good movie in a while and though watching him in A Dangerous Man is cruel and unusual punishment, I figured I should go see Machete because I am in LOVE with Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin. Then I found out Don Johnson was in it too and let's face it, the man hasn't done anything worth while since Nash Bridges. But enough about why I saw this movie.
This movie, Machete, is amazing. Corny in some cases because it's sort of a spoof off some other movies from before my time but it also focusses on the stupidity happening in Arizona and the new immigration laws. It shows how dumb it is to basically treat Mexicans like second class citizens, as parasites. It shows how really stupid racism against Mexicans really is. I mean, if all the Mexicans should walk off the jobs, most states close to the Mexico/US border would practically shut down. I am not saying immigration laws aren't important. What I'm saying and I believe Machete is saying, is that you can't and shouldn't paint all Mexicans with the same brush. Not all of them are drug dealers or 'parasite' (as the commercials in the movie calls them). Most Mexicans go to the US to work so they can send money back to their starving families. That should be respected--anyways polictics out of the way...
Now this movie isn't perfect--of course not--it isn't Citizen Kane. There were moments when I had to lean over, nudge my ex-boyfriend and with an arched brow said, "erm...really? Was that TRULY necessary?"
Machete, works with Steven Seagal's really bad acting talents. He was actually funny and I could really see him as a bad guy.
Danny Trejo, amazing as a stoic, ex-Federalle out for revenge and not letting anyone or anything stand in his way. He's opportunistic, unselfish and amazing. His one liners are actually perfect for him. He says funny lines with a seriousness and a believability that simply rocks.
Cheech Marin--what can I say about Cheech--the man is an icon.
Overall, this movie was thrilling, heart wrenching, funny and simply a work of art. Sure it wasn't perfect, but you probably won't find another movie like this one in a long time. The soundtrack--if they ever release an album for it, I'd recommend buying it because I sure would. If you're looking for some nudity, blood and gore, a little politics and a rather unhealthy dose of Cheech and Danny, go see this movie, you will not regret it. If you hate the above things, try seeing Cats and Dogs: The return of Kitty Galore, because Machete isn't for you.